don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize