I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
