where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
