The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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