I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize