Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
