who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
