Me. At least after what I've been through.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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