Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
