marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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