Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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