I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
