Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
...so i touched it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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