I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize