Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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