weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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