girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
