I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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