Got a toothbrush?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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