The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
