i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
