I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
