She went from zero to smokin in five shots
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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