I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
