I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize