He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
