Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Two words: blizzard sex
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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