Umm I'm too high to move.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
