trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
