I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
