never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
