My balls are so social today.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
