after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Text me some of your sweat
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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