i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
