Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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