??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
