you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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