Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
