I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
