no, he came in my armpit
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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