giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
