It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
