Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
