3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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