literally had 100 drinks last night.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
