watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize