You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
