1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
youre lurking in front of me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
