i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
