Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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