Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
