I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
