I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
