I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
