Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize