I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
