Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize