We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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