So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
