I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
