So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
