He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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