I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
