people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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