pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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