Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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