Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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