ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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